Full Transcript

Well, this morning we’re starting a new series called Approval Addict. And I’ve got a question for you. How many of you know what those symbols on the screen are connected to right now? How many of you know where the “thumbs up” comes from? Where are the people that have a Facebook account? That’s great. That’s great. Somebody told me after the last service, “Facebook is like getting a seat at the lunch table with all the cool kids in the insane asylum.” All right? So if you feel good about yourself, you’ve not accomplished a whole lot there.

How many of you saw the video that I recorded this week and posted on Facebook, inviting you to church this week because we were starting a new series? Anybody see that? Anybody see that? That got forty-eight “likes”. That’s right.

How many of you know what the star is connected to? What’s the star connected to? How many of you are twits? I mean, you have a Twitter account. All right? So if somebody favorites your tweet, you get a star.

How many of you know what the heart comes from? What’s that connected to? Instagram. Did you hear all the young people answer the question there? Because they think that Facebook is for the “older” generation. All right? So if you post something on Instagram, you get a heart if it’s liked.

And does anybody know what the “+1” comes from? That’s Google’s failed attempt at social media. Okay? So there’s all different kinds of ways for people to say that they approve of the content that you posted.

Get your Bible open to Proverbs 29. I’m going to share with you a verse that has continually rocked my world. And I’m going to make a confession to you right at the beginning of this message. I am a recovering approval addict. Now don’t leave me up here. Am I the only one?

What we’re going to do in the month of August is we’re turning Harvest Bible Chapel into a recovery treatment center. All right? For all of the approval addicts. And we’re going to diagnose a little bit today whether or not you’re an approval addict. And maybe you want to join the addiction recovery group that I’m leading through the month of August here at Harvest.

Let me tell you how twisted I am, okay? Many of you have been following what’s been happening in our family. This is a very emotional month for us. Next week, I’m saying goodbye to my two oldest kids; sending them to college. And while all the emotions are wrapped around that, on the back end, we’ve been welcoming into our family, a little nine-year-old boy named Scott.

Scott was a homeless boy in our community, and he’d been bouncing around from homeless shelters. We got to know him through out connection with Hope Ministries and Safe Families, and he’s kind of been living with us on the weekend now and then. And then it turned into weeks at a time, and then recently it’s turned into months at a time. And we actually were able to acquire from his mother, consent to allow us to become legal guardians of Scott.

And so we’ve been waiting for this court hearing. And last Friday, we went before a court and custody was granted, legal guardianship was granted to our family for Scott. He’s now a permanent member of our family. So we’re so excited about Scott being a part of our family. We actually took a picture with the judge when that ruling was there. And our family is there along with the Tieszen family who were doing the same thing with Scott’s two sisters, Amy and Angel. And so we all celebrated that together and it was just a great time.

Now, let me tell you what happened forty-eight hours after this picture was taken. Okay? Last Sunday afternoon, we gathered as a staff with our families and with our children and with our elders. So we had like 100 people and we all went out for a day at the beach. It’s kind of an annual thing that we do just to get our families together. We had a great time.

And so the kids were all out playing in the water. Just kids everywhere, while some of the adults were up getting ready for lunch and things like that. Andrea and I were kind of up in the lake house getting ready for the lunch. The kids were down in the water. They were under adult supervision. If you consider Micah and Tyler to provide adult supervision. They were out there playing with the kids.

There was this big floatation mat that you can actually stand on in the water. So like ten of these kids were kind of playing king of the mountain and everything. And then Tyler decided to play shark, and he went under the mat, and he tipped everybody over. Well, Scott, was standing on the mat. And so Scott falls off, and flies into the water. And as he did, he wasn’t quite prepared, and ended up swallowing a lot of water. And he kind of disappeared for a while, and we realized he was kind of missing. And Leah, our youngest daughter, actually fished him out of Lake Michigan and brought him up. And he was kind of choking and gagging, and we finally got all the water out, and he was fine.

Well, I heard the news of all that about five minutes after it happened. Let me tell you how twisted I am. I was concerned for Scott. I was glad he survived. But it wasn’t long after that that I began to think about this picture. And I began to ask, “Wow. I wonder what the judge would have thought after he had granted custody to these parents that he thought would provide a little bit of protection, that forty-eight hours had lost this son in Lake Michigan.” I’m like, “Man that would be really bad. He would think really bad of me.”

You see, that’s what an approval addict does. He’s always asking the question, “What would people think? If I did this, what would these people think? If I don’t do that, what are these people going to think?” And so, you might want to join the treatment center this month if you’re a person that’s always asking the question, “What would people think?”

Now let me show you the biblical term for an approval addict. It’s found here in Proverbs 29:25. It says this. Look in the Bible. It says, “The fear of man lays a snare…” The fear of man. That’s it. “The fear of man lays a snare but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.”

Here’s the first point of the message this morning.

 

• My approval drive can be approved.

 

Now, a lot of times in the Bible you have truths in tension. This is one of those truths in tension. So I want you to understand, having an approval drive, wanting approval, is not necessarily wrong. As a matter of fact, we’re going to learn in this series, it’s something that is God-given. The question is, where are you going for the approval?

So, my approval drive can actually be approved. There are certain people that God wants you to get approval from. The first thing I think about as a father of now five children is this: you should seek the approval of your parents.

And so, if you’re a child, living in a home, you should be asking: what should I be doing to get my parents’ approval? Are my parents approving of the decisions and the choices that I’m making? Of the way that I’m spending my time? All kinds of different things. And the reason for that is, Proverbs 15:20 says this, “A wise son makes a glad father but a foolish man despises his mother.”

So, if you are a wise young person, you will often and repeatedly be wondering and thinking, “What could I do today to make my father glad? Dad seems kind of down today. I wonder if I can do anything to make him glad?” Maybe it would even prompt you to go to a father or a mother and say, “Is there anything in my actions or my attitude that I could change that would make you happier? That would gain your approval?” How often does that conversation happen in the home? Not a whole lot. Right? Most of the time it’s mom and dad going, “I don’t approve. I disapprove.” Right?

Well, a wise son actually would even take the initiative to be thinking, “You know what, my dad sure does seem happy when I’m cleaning my room. My dad sure does seem happy when I’m reading my bible. Or doing some homework. Or mowing the grass. Or brining in some money.” I mean, a wise son makes a glad father.

But if you’re a person that says, “I could care less about my parents’ approval.” Do you know what you’re doing? You’re doing something very foolish. And all you’re doing is you’re exchanging the approval of a mom and a dad that God wants you to seek approval from, probably for the approval of some crowd who does not have your best interest in mind. That’s why a wise son makes a glad father. You should seek the approval of your parents.

Here’s another thing. You should also seek the approval of governing authorities. Romans 13:1-3 says this, “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities…do what is good and you will receive his…” what? His “…approval.” God wants you to get the approval. Do you know what he’s saying here? Christians should be the best citizens. Christians should be the best employees. Christians should be the best students.

And by best, I don’t mean that you get the highest GPA. It just simply means that your teachers are so delighted that you’re in the class. And that you do your best to be loyal, respectful, diligent and to submit to the authority that God has put in your life. And so we’re to seek the approval of those governing authorities.

Here’s another one. We’re to seek the approval of our spouse, if you’re married. Now, 1 Corinthians 7, let kind of set this up before I read that verse. 1 Corinthians 7 is an interesting verse in the bible, what Paul is doing. Remember, Paul is a single man. It’s interesting that a single man had so much to say about marriage. And maybe at one time he was married, but at this point, he was single, and he was actually letting single people know how great it is to be single.

He was saying that as a single person, you have time and availability that married people don’t have, because married people have to constantly be thinking, “Is my wife happy?” “Is my husband happy?” and that can be a little complicated. How many of you as men understand that that’s a little complicated to figure that out?

Well, notice he says this, “The married man is anxious about worldly things…” Now that anxiety, I don’t think that’s a sinful anxiety. That’s a healthy anxiety. The fact that I would think a little bit about how could I make my wife happy today. He says, “The married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife…” You should be thinking about how to please your wife, men.

Ladies, that was a great place for an “amen” and you missed it totally. All right? Would you like me to back that up and give you another run at that? Okay? So men, we should constantly be thinking about “What would please my wife?” (Women say “Amen!”) Did you hear that guys? Did you hear that?

Now, he flips the coin around and says it completely opposite. “The married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.” So ladies, you should be thinking about, “What could I do today to please my husband?” (Men say “Amen!”) Yeah, see the guys were not going to miss that opportunity right there. They get so few of those opportunities and they were going to take advantage of that.

So, yeah of course, we need to study our spouses. Like, “What is it in my tone, in my attitude, in my performance, in my responsibilities that would make my wife happy?” I know that my wife, my wife likes sweet tea, yellow colors and sunshine. And so I’m $1000 poorer this month than I was last month because we have freshly painted yellow walls in our home. All right? And that is because I am trying please my wife. And so what is it that you could do to please your spouse? You should be seeking their approval.

There’s one other thing. We should seek the approval of a watching world. Now remember, these are truths in tension. So I’m going to come back to it in a minute. But notice what 1 Corinthians 10:32-33 says. He says, “Give no offense to Jews…” Who were Jews? Listen. These were people with a completing worldview or a competing faith system than what we believe about Jesus Christ being the one who exclusively atones for our sin.

And so Paul recognizes not everybody’s going to agree with us. But we should never give someone an opportunity to be offended by the way we present the Gospel. If people are going to be offended, let them be offended by the Gospel, not the way we model the gospel. Not the way we speak the Gospel. Give no offense to Jews.

And then he says, “…. to Greeks…” Greeks were basically people that were pagan and had all kinds of weird ideas about God. He said don’t even offend those people. And then he gives a third category. Give no offense “…to the church of God…” That means that in these walls, with people that share the same belief system, we ought to work really hard not to offend one another. To seek one another’s approval.

And he says, “…I try to please everyone in everything I do, not seeking my own advantage…” Now see, that’s the key. Too often we’re trying to please everyone in everything for our advantage. Paul couples it with a very selfless attitude and says, “I try to please everyone in everything [not for my own interests,] not for my advantage,” but then he says, here’s the advantage, “…but that of many, that they may be saved.”

What he’s saying is this. Too often by our conduct, our speech, our lack of love, we are building a wall between the Gospel and the people that need it, rather than building a bridge between the Gospel and the people that need it. And so, in the way that we love, in the way that we speak, in the way that we serve, in the way that we speak truth, we should never do anything that would give someone an occasion to say, “I disapprove of your conduct. I disapprove of your tone.”

Now again, truths in tension here. If you are trying to please the world in order to gain a hearing, that you shave off the rough edges of the Gospel and you reduce the minimum requirement of faith and repentance, now you’re revealing that you actually are an approval addict that is disqualifying you from fulfilling the Great Commission. So that’s what we’re going to talk about.

So, we need to seek the approval. But your approval drive can be approved. And my approval drive also can be addictive.

 

• My approval drive can be addictive.

 

Now here’s what makes an approval addict. Let’s see if anybody in here besides me is a recovering approval addict.

I remember when this first started to hit home for me. I can remember way back to fourth grade. Anybody remember fourth grade? Was that not like the happiest time of your life? Fourth grade? I can remember a less than happy experience in the fourth grade.

I remember our teacher stood in front of our class and said, “It’s time for the in-class reading assignment.” So we all took out our literature books and we flopped them open on our desks. She said, “I just want you to read a short story here for the remainder of the class.” So, I opened my story. I began to read. I got about halfway down the first page in the story, and I noticed that the guy next to me turned his page. And then I noticed that the person on my left side turned their page. I tried to read a little faster, and then I realized that about that time, everybody else in the class had turned their page.

And the signal was real clear. Trent, you’re not as fast of a reader as your other classmates. That must mean, I’m not as smart and not as significant. And I began to experience the fact that I thought everybody was now looking at me, timing me on how fast I was going to finish the next page. And thought, “I can’t let this happen. I can’t let anybody think I’m dumb. I can’t let anybody think I can’t read.”

So you know what I did? Turned the page. Bam! Starting reading the top of the next page. I had no idea what was going on in the story at this point. I don’t even know who these people are because all that content was never read on the first page. But I read two or three sentences and about that time, (makes sound and motion of pages turning). Everybody in the class started turning pages. So I thought, “Well, I guess it’s time to turn the second page.” Boom.

I’m like, “Man, this is a speed reading class right here. That’s a nice picture there. You know, I don’t have time to read the caption, but…if you have any more books, coloring books would be nice at this point for me.” And I realized that, man, what is in me that wants? I mean, I’m sure that not anyone is even thinking of me at that point. They’re reading the story. But I felt like I needed their approval.

I got a little older and you know, in your teenage years, everybody gets acne. Anybody here over the age of thirty, that used to have a bad case of acne? Lift your hand. All right? Just leave them in the air for a minute. You don’t have it anymore, but it was really bad back in those days? I’m trying to give hope to these guys over here that are. And by the way, if you have bad acne right now, nobody is looking at you. Nobody is thinking about you. It’s just all about us right now. So, anyway, I was in that category and I’m just like, “Man, I just don’t even want to show my face at school. Nobody would approve of this face that’s leaking and dripping all the time.” I know, I know. That’s the way it is though, isn’t it? That’s the way I felt.

And then I had this other problem. When I was fourteen, you know all your baby teeth come in and you get your full set, right? Now, I learned that a full set of teeth, all the perfect people in the world, they get thirty-two. Isn’t that like what you’re supposed to get? Well, I don’t know, I only got like twenty-eight. And two of the ones that were missing are right here. (Points to front two teeth.) And I’m like, “Man, this is a train wreck going on in my face.” And so, I’m like, “I don’t want anybody to see this. I’m sure they wouldn’t approve.”

And so, I just began to smile and laugh like this. (Smiles with mouth tightly closed.) And just lips closed. I just don’t want you to see what’s going on here. And my family to this day, they tease me and they say, “Man, if you can get dad to laugh and actually see his teeth, you’ve really accomplished something.” You know, it’s like, “Oh! I saw your teeth!”

And I know what some of you are thinking, like, “You have nice teeth.” They’re fake! They’re made out of porcelain. All six of these right across the top. They’re fake. Porcelain. The stuff your toilet’s made out of. Okay? Gives a whole new different definition to the term “potty mouth.” All right? That’s me! So I would just rather smile like this. (Smiles with mouth tightly closed.) Because I’m a recovering approval addict. All right?

Now, am I the only one that has hang-ups like this? Let me just kind of diagnose you. Can you just step into the doctor’s office here for a minute? Just eight diagnostic questions to see if anybody here is an addict?

Here’s the first one. Do you lay awake at night thinking about how to get a person to like you? To think well of you? To notice you? Or to reward you? I mean, in the quiet moments, the stuff that fills your head is that man or that woman or that mother-in-law or that daughter-in-law or that potential boyfriend or potential girlfriend at school, or that teacher. Or maybe even someone who has disapproved of you. That coach that thinks that you are not fast enough, or you are not strong enough. And you’re thinking like, “How can I impress them? How an I get them to approve of who I am?” Does that stuff fill your head? You might be an approval addict.

Here’s another. Is your happiness or contentment dependent upon the approval of somebody else? You can’t be happy if you are unnoticed and unrecognized. You’re co-dependent upon someone else doing something to make you happy, namely, giving you their approval.

Do you feel valued or significant even when others don’t recognize your incredible performance or your outstanding achievements? I mean, you got skills. You’ve got looks. You’ve got smarts. It’s just that all the idiots and the people haven’t noticed. And that bothers you. And it bugs you and it makes you want to drive for more achievement and more accomplishment because you can’t live without the approval of another.

Here’s another one. Do you experience pain or love-hunger when the approval that was once given is now withdrawn or missing in your life? This person used to talk to me. This person used to call me. They used to text me. They used to send me gifts. They used to come and hang out with me. They used to want to go places and now they’re not doing that anymore. And you’re confused. You’re upset. That’s a hurtful situation for you. That’s what an addiction to approval will do.

Do you feel inferiority, insecurity, depression or even suicidal thoughts over the loss of someone’s approval? You feel unworthy. You just feel like, low. Insignificant piece of humanity that no one would give you their time or their attention or their approval.

Are you jealous that the approval that you once had, you no longer have, and it’s now given to someone else? This happens a lot of times when you get older. You’re not near as strong. Not near as good-looking as you once were, or the people that are now coming up under you. And now people are starting to recognize and approve of people that are younger than you. It could be that that’s revealing an addiction to approval in your life.

Are your thoughts consumed with others? Do you give too much space in your head to another person? There was a particular time I was really wrestling. It was actually in the early days of our church. There was somebody that I just desperately longed for them to approve of who I was as a pastor. And I really wasn’t getting a whole lot of it. I just couldn’t get this person off my mind.

And I went to a person, I was just like, “I’m struggling with this. What do I do?” And I just went on and on and on and on and on about how I couldn’t get approval from this person, no matter how I tried. And I remember my friend looked at me and said, “Why are you allowing that person to live inside your head rent-free?” It was like, “That’s a great way to put it.” I can’t evict this person. They’ve taken up occupancy in space that doesn’t belong to them. I needed to kick them out of my thoughts.

Here’s the worst one. Here’s the reason for the whole series. Are you willing to forfeit the approval of God to gain the approval of others? Now, we’re on it. That’s the reason for this series. Some of us are not and cannot obey God, because you are so consumed with the approval and the attention and the acceptance of other people. So we’re going on a recovery project for approval addicts.

And here’s what we want to see. Back in the Scripture here. Proverbs 29:25. I want you to notice four words here in this passage. “The fear of man lays a snare but who ever trusts in the Lord is safe.” So we’re going to look at the words “fear”, “snare”, “trust” and “safe”. If you’re ready, say, “I’m ready!” By the way, do you like this message? Are you sure? Okay. I’m sorry. I’m in a recovery. All right.

 

Here’s the thing.

 

• Approval addicts fear exposure or rejection.

 

So let’s break those up. An approval addict has a fear. So what is fear? Fear is a panic that causes irrational behavior. All right?

So this Thursday, our youth group here at Harvest, we took like seventy kids to Cedar Point. I’d never been to Cedar Point. And we actually took all of our family as well. It was a great time. Just roller coasters all day long. And there’s a sound that you hear on a roller coaster. Every roller coaster. It’s sounds of screams. Screams of terror. And in line waiting to get on the roller coaster, you hear people actually talking about dying.

I love these roller coasters. I do not understand the irrational fear of people riding roller coasters. Now there was this other thing there that’s kind of like this pendulum, rotating, throw-up machine, and I had a little fear of that thing. But a roller coaster is different, okay? I do not understand the screams on a roller coaster.

And what’s amazing to me that some of the same people that were screaming their face on the roller coaster were sound asleep in the car on the way home, on I-80 while my eighteen-year-old son was driving the vehicle. They do not understand they are in much greater danger with my son driving on I-80 than they ever were on that roller coaster. So, fear causes us to think irrational thoughts. Things that don’t make any sense.

So, this approval addict has a fear that will turn him into an extreme extrovert. Now there’s nothing wrong with being extroverted or introverted unless your extrovert personality is fueled by a fear of man. This is the way it works. An extreme extrovert thinks, “I can’t live without approval. I’m hooked on approval. So, I’ve got to do, I will do anything to get approval.” And so you know what he does? He ends up overworking. He ends up overspending. And he ends up over talking. Do you know people like this? Don’t think of names. Think of you. Okay?

So, are you a workaholic? “I mean, I don’t want anybody to think I’m lazy.” You’re the first one to show up. You’re the last one to leave. You outwork everyone else. Why are you doing that? Is it because you want people to think well of you? Is that it?

Or maybe you overspend. I mean, you can’t buy just clothes. You’ve got to buy “the” clothes. You can’t just drive a car.  You’ve got to drive “the” car. Why? Because you’re desperately longing for someone to approve of you because of what you wear or what you drive.

Or you’re overly talkative. Ever met somebody overly talkative? You’re kind of listening to one right now, aren’t you? Why can’t people stop talking? It’s like, “Dude, you are talking way too much, way too long, and way too much about yourself. Why? Because they’re trying to impress you with their accomplishments. And, “Let me tell you what I did last week. And who I was with.” And they’re a name-dropper. They’re just talking to try to gain approval.

Or a person, and this is a huge trap for teenagers, a person who is flirtatious or will even give sexual favors to a person in order to keep them and gain their approval. A teenage girl in our culture, so often, is so flirtatious because she’s trying to gain the approval of a young man. Do you love me? Do you notice me? Do you think I’m valuable? Do you think I’m significant? Do you think I’m beautiful? Well, yes, I do, but only if you do…Okay, I’ll do that. That’s a snare. The fear of man brings a snare.

And normally that’s happening in a young lady’s heart because she’s not feeling she’s getting approved from her father, and so she goes on a search looking for another man to give approval. And there will be a hundred guys lined up to give you their approval if you meet certain sexual favors that they would require. It’s a trap. And it means that you are an approval addict.

And so, you fear exposure. What you’re doing is, you’re putting on a mask. You’re pretending to be somebody you’re not so that you won’t be exposed as a person that has need or has areas of sin in their life.

And not only exposure, but rejection. So this is the flip side. An approval addict fears ridicule or rejection. And it would turn you into an extreme introvert if you’re not careful. So an extreme introvert is this. He says, “I can’t live with disapproval, so I will do anything to avoid it.” And so, the contrary of being overly talkative is never talking at all. You avoid people. You’re a recluse. You never go out. You never engage. You just kind of wall yourself in for fear that you would be rejected or hurt by somebody that wouldn’t approve of you.

Are you easily embarrassed? You stumble or you stutter. You don’t say the right thing or you got a hair out of place and you’re embarrassed by that and you’re so sensitive to your image. Maybe you fear rejection.

Are you indecisive? You can’t make a decision. You’re at a fork in the road. If you do this, these people won’t approve. But if I do this, these people won’t approve. And so you’re paralyzed by indecision. You can’t do anything because you’re so concerned and so consumed with what everybody else thinks. That’s why if you want to be a leader, you have to conquer the fear of man. Leaders make decisions. And leaders cannot be concerned with what everybody else is going to think about their decision. Are you indecisive?

Here’s another one. Are you clingy? So here’s a situation. Here’s a person that has such a fear of man, but they finally find somebody that gives them approval. “We love you just the way you are. We give you attention. We like hanging out with you. You’re great.” But then that person is so insecure, and so clingy, they end up attaching themselves to this person that approves of them like a leech, and begins to drain the life out of the one person that gives them approval. And they end up cannibalizing the relationship and all of a sudden this person now disapproves of your leeching attitude. You destroy it. Are you clingy?

And then, are you self-deprecating? You know what I mean by that? You get in a group and you just start cutting yourself down. “I’m so stupid. I’m so invaluable. I can’t do anything right.” Eeyore. And what you’re doing is, you’re fishing for somebody that would say, “Would somebody please tell me I’m wrong?” You’re fishing for a compliment. Because you can’t stand to live with that rejection. You just kind of reject yourself hoping that others will disagree. You’re an approval addict. And so an approval addict is enslaved or ensnared by fear.

Here’s the second thing.

 

• Approval addicts are snared by the controlling expectations of others.

 

An approval addict is snared by the controlling expectations of others. A few years ago when we first started the church, we would have what we call Party With the Pastor at our house. And back in the day when we first started the church, we lived in Buchanan, Michigan. It was a wooded area. And there were these varmints that would show up. I’m from Oklahoma. We had animals. Wild animals. Varmints. That would show up and take things.

And so from time to time, we’d have to set a trap for a raccoon or a possum or something like that. And so there was this Saturday night where I set a trap and we got up the next morning. You know how Sunday mornings are if you have a lot of kids? I mean, you wake up in the morning, you’re throwing bibles in the minivan, you’re throwing kids in the minivan. You’re just trying to make it to church on time. That was kind of our scenario.

So while we’re doing this on Sunday morning to come to church, I remembered, “Oh, I set that trap.” And I looked around the corner and sure enough there was a possum that had been trapped. But I didn’t have time to deal with him right now. So we went to church, we came back that afternoon and I had forgotten that we were having Party With the Pastor that night at our house.

And so about thirty minutes before the party was supposed to happen, with new people coming to Harvest to meet the pastor and his family for the very first time, to see whether or not they would want to be a part of a church with a pastor like this, and I was like, “Oh I got to go and get rid of the possum.”

So I went out there and I picked up the cage and I turned around, and the first person drove into the driveway to attend the party. And it was a very nice lady who is still in our church. She got out of her car and she saw the possum and she said, “What are you going to do with that?” And I realized that she had, in two seconds, formed an emotional bond with the possum. And what I was going to do with the possum involved blood. So I thought, “Well, I can’t do that anymore. Because it’s Party With the Pastor. So we’re just going to put him right over here and deal with him later.”

And so we went in the house and started entertaining some other guests until the Korhorn family showed up. Okay? So their youngest daughter is Grace. Grace was five years old at the time. And Grace has an emotional bond with any living creature. And so she doesn’t go in the house, she sees the creature over there in the cage, and she’s drawn to the possum, and leans down, and thinks it would be a good idea to scratch the ear of the possum. And so she sticks her finger in the cage, and the possum is not appreciating the finger in the cage, and so grabs hold with his mouth of little Grace’s finger, and bites her finger.

“Welcome to Party with the Pastor, I’m Pastor Trent. Harvest Bible Chapel’s a warm loving community of people that will help you to grow in your relationship with Jesus. Would you like to be a part of us?” No. You eat our children. So I mean that was kind of the scenario of what was going on. And I’m just freaking out.

Now, I say all that to say this. A caged animal is a dangerous animal. A person who is snared, who is controlled, he loses his freedom and it makes you do things that are dangerous. All right? So you don’t want to be ensnared. But the fear of man brings a snare. It brings a trap. You’re trapped by what you think other people want you to do in the moment.

There’s two examples of this in Scripture that I’ll just kind of highlight for you. One in the Old Testament and one in the New. Do you remember the guy Abraham? In Genesis 12 and Genesis 20, he makes the same mistake. Both of them motivated by a fear of man.

Abraham had a wife named Sarah, and she was hot. I don’t know what translation it is, but that’s kind of what it was saying there. And it says she was one of the most beautiful women. And Abraham knew that she was really awesome, and so as he would meet new people, he realized that it would be a threat to his life if a foreign king wanted to marry his hot wife and all he had to do was knock off Abraham in order to get that done. So Abraham turns to his hot wife and says, “Why don’t you tell everybody I’m your brother? The king is still going to take you and do whatever he wants to do with you but I’ll save my life in the process.”

What a wicked husband! Dude, lay down your life for your wife. Right? Protect your wife. And he didn’t do that because he was enslaved by the fear of man. He did it in Chapter 12; he did it in Chapter 20. He did it both times. And God spared him both times and got him out of the stupid decision he was doing.

There’s a guy in the New Testament. We know this guy. You talk about the overly talkative guy, the extreme extrovert. Who would that have been? Peter! Remember Peter. Remember how braggadocios he was about his love for Jesus? “I’ll never deny you.” As soon as a little twelve-year-old girl starts saying, “Aren’t you one of those guys with Jesus?” “Nope!” “No, I think you are.” “I am not!” “Yeah, I think you are.” And he cussed at her. “I’m not.” And what did Peter do because he was enslaved by the expectations of a little twelve-year-old girl? He didn’t want to identify he was with Christ.

How often have you done that? You have disassociated yourself with Jesus Christ. You’ve refused to identify with yourself with Christ. You’ve refused to acknowledge Jesus is Lord. He means more to me than you and I’m going to do the right thing. And so even Peter can be enslaved. And we have as well.

Here’s another thing:

 

• Approval addicts trust people to supply what only God can provide.

 

Do you see the word “trust” here in verse 25? “Whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” The word “trust” means to be so persuaded that you rely upon it. So you will either be persuaded that people can provide what you need or you will so persuaded that God can provide what you need, and whichever one you choose is what you will rely on.

In Isaiah 51, God lets us know he is a trustworthy God. He says, “I am he who comforts you; who are you that you are afraid of man who dies, of the son of man who is made like grass…” Grass dies. It’s just there to look pretty and then you cut it down. And that’s all you really get when you trust in man. God says, “I can provide real comfort.”

So my question to you today is, what kind of hurt did you bring in here today that you need God to comfort? Have you taken that hurt to a spouse, to a friend, to a counselor, to a man? And received limited amounts of comfort, when God invites you to come and bring all of that to him and says, “Trust me. I’m the only one who can provide what you need.”

Hebrews 13:6 says this, “We can confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper, I will not fear; what can man do to me?’”  So what can man do to you? Man can reward you. Man can pay you. Man can compliment you. Man can intimidate you. Man can fire you. Man can imprison you. But the Lord says, “I am your helper.” In the midst of all of that, put your confidence in him, not what someone else can provide for you.

And then:

 

• Approval addicts never feel safe.

 

Do you see it there in verse 25? “But he who trusts in the Lord will be safe.” Well, what about people that trust in man? Yeah, they’re not going to feel very safe. You know what they’re going to do? They’re always going to feel like people are a threat. A threat to their happiness. A threat to their security. A threat to their significance. But if you trust in the Lord, you get all of that from him.

Do you feel safe? In a few weeks, school is going to start back. And students are going to walk into a brand new room with a brand new group of people that are anonymous. And in that moment, your addiction to approval is going to be tested. If in that moment, you feel less than safe, less than secure, and you are thinking, “What am I going to have to do to get the approval of people around me? What am I going to have to wear? What am I going to have to say? How am I going to have to perform,” it’s a symptom that you’re an approval addict. But if you can walk into a room and understand God is my security, I’m going to live for the approval of God, then you can feel safe in an environment that may be the most threatening of all.

Here’s the last thing:

 

• My approval drive can be altered. (Galatians 1:10)

 

This is good news. This is good news! No matter what kind of an addiction you have, it can change. The direction or the source from which you are trying to gain approval can change.

If you, like me, are a recovering approval addict, you can change course. I want you to notice this verse in the New Testament, Galatians 1:10. “Am I now seeking the approval of man…” Just stop right there. Put a question mark on the end of it. Yes or no? Are you seeking the approval of man? We’ve learned that’s truth in tension. So yes, seek the approval of your parents, the governing authorities, a watching world to some degree. But if you are so consumed from getting the approval of another human being, you will never feel safe. You’ll never feel secure.

Or here’s the other option. You can seek the approval of God. Am I trying to please man or am I trying to please God? “If I were still trying to please man, I would not [I could not] be a servant of Christ.” Here’s the good news. It’s actually bad news and good news. Can I lay it on heavy right now? Can you handle this?

God does not approve of you. I don’t care if you’re the most religious, good, moral, outstanding person. I don’t care how much money you make. I don’t care how wonderful your family is. I don’t care how great a husband you are. God does not approve. Because you’re not perfect. There are areas of disapproval in our lives.

Here’s the Gospel. There’s one person that lived a life that God’s approved of. It was his Son, Jesus. And only those who find their approval in Christ are approved ultimately by God the Father. And so we’re going to unpack how the Gospel dismantles our approval addiction in this series. Are you trying to please man or are you trying to please God?

Do you remember the question that we asked at the beginning? What would people think? Well, here’s how you recover from an approval addiction. You replace that question with this question; what would God think? What would God think about the way I’m handling my money, about the way I’m spending my money, about the way I’m treating my spouse, about the way I’m performing in school? What would God think? If you can get to that point, you can break the addiction to the fear of man. And so I’m inviting you in to the treatment center throughout the month of August. And we’re going to go after this together.